Bitter and Sweet kind of day

Today has been a very weird day for me. Over the last few weeks I have found myself looking into things and finding things out. I have been doing some searching for myself. I am having a very hard time finding myself now that I am a stay at home mom. I feel like I have no sense of anything. I feel now that since I am only a stay at home mom, I don't accomplish anything. I don't have a job so I can't have that under my belt. I don't know if you can understand what I am saying but all I can find within myself is I am Trig's mom. I am trying to find my hopes and dreams but they always seem so distant. You try so hard to accomplish things and I feel like I haven't or can't accomplish what I want. I am having a really hard time with this. I have also been living down here in the Blooming Prairie area for the last five years and I have loved it. But I am now finding now that I have a little child that no one understands. I have found out who my real friends are and who just ask for things. I have had to let go of many friends because I just didn't want the drama anymore. But now with Trig I really wish I lived by my parents or should I just say closer to my parents. I am a lost soul down here with no friends or family that includes me. If I was closer to home I could have things to do besides sit at home and do nothing. But I know this is just a bump in the road and I hope that it becomes smoother for me. But all in all I know I am a strong person and need to get these resentments out of my system because they only hurt me and come to the realization that I can't change any of it. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt inside or cut a hole within you. And like I said before I don't have a job that I can talk to other people or go out with other people and do something with people from work. I have Trig which don't get me wrong is my world but I would love to do things with others also and feel like I have a sense of belonging. Well that was the bitter part of the day.

The sweet part of the day was: Well lots of things. We got our family pictures taken by TBG Photography today this morning with my Mom, Dad, Tyler, Marisa, Chad, Trig and myself. I can't wait to get them back. We than went to Fleet Farm to do a little Christmas shopping (well that is what I will call it) I got the two things I wanted to grab while Chad got his parts for the farm. Than came home and played with Trig for a while before Chad called and asked if we wanted to join him and watching him fix some stuff. So I said yeah of course, anything to spend time with Chad. I just had to eat a little something and finish feeding Trig. I had to go and feed cows also before I made it there and so Trig and I got our stuff together and did what we needed to do before we met up with Chad.

This was Trig today as we fed the Cows. He is my Carhartt boy. Just like his daddy!

After we completed the chores with the cows we went to see Chad and unloaded a load of corn with him and boy Trig thought that was amazing. He thought he would drive dad's Grain Truck for him which I found to be the cutest thing ever and got a picture of that right away. Trig always seems to amaze me and melt my heart. It is so awesome. He is going to be the next Klemmensen that farms I believe.

He is getting so big he is trying to drive again. He holds himself up in the seat and all.



After we completed that with daddy we chose to go home and get some food in Trig's tummy before we ventured on our next adventure. And this would be the first time Trig would ever ride in the combine. It was so amazing to see that he enjoys the combine as much as his mom and dad.

He had a front row seat in the combine.



Well we were in the combine for one round before Grandpa Rick called to say that dinner was ready for us and we needed to take a break and head home for a food. So we unloaded everything and headed out. We ate and were on our way back to combine as I told Chad we could only combine until 8pm as Trig would need to get to bed so we are driving the 3 miles back to the field and what happens...... are you guessing.... We hit a deer. I look over at Chad and he looks like something was totally wrong. (yes I know we just hit a deer) I look at him and say repeatedly "it's ok." He later brings this up as we are picking corn and I just laugh he says you never say things like that. He said he was worried about Trig but let me tell you he didn't even notice anything I don't think he just sat in his seat and played with his toys. There wasn't much damage done I don't think as we could see in the dark. The bumper is a little screwed up but I do think as were we looking at the dead deer his partner in crime ran into the other side of the Yukon but we will see in the morning when it is light out.

Well that is the day in Tamora's World for today! But I know that all the things that upset me and make me sad are all outbeat by the things that make me happy and everything inbetween but we all have feelings and have moments that take us for a rollercoaster ride. Mine just seems to be going around and around these days. It will get better I just know it.