We have been in the field and the last two nights I have made dinner, Sunday Roast and potatoes and tonight tater tot hotdish. I had Chad's family over to eat with us. Which always gives me a sick feeling because his mom can cook and I am trying so hard to be a cook like her. But anyways what I am trying to get at with this picture is that. Chad isn't home much and tonight he made a comment as he was leaving to head back out to the combine and said to me, "Thanks so much for the picture today, it was amazing and his smile was so big, I just kept looking at it all day." It really made me feel good that he said that for some reason and I am still getting teary eyed just talking about it. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that I am really missing him lately. I don't know. And trust me he doesn't just get good pictures he gets bad ones also. He needs to know it isn't always peaches and cream during the day.
After my last post, I had a friend that I don't know really well but it was to my amazement that she sent me a message and asked that I call her, she to is a stay at home mom. She said in the message that she had the same feelings as I do now about a year ago when her child was the same age as Trig. She talked to me for about an hour and it brought a lot of things to my attention. She was amazing to talk with and also that she sought me out to talk. I have friends but I can honestly say no one really does that for me. Why is it so hard to go through these changes.It is kinda like my friends just don't understand anymore. You can't just go out at the drop of a hat. But I was never that kind of person to start with. (trust me my friends don't get it but niether just Chad sometimes) Chad will come home at like 8pm some nights and say let go for dinner. I just look at him like are you nuts, Trig has been sleeping for a half an hour.
My friend gave me some good pointers. Like making a list of what I need to get done each week. This is a good one and check them off as I get them done. Go to story time with Trig and also to see if I can find a stay at home mom's group. The problem that I have is I love staying at home with Trig but I am a social butterfly so it is hard for me not to have the interaction with others.
I was having a really hard time focusing lately in my home. It was because it was a disaster. I couldn't beleive what I was seeing. Since I have moved my sewing headquarters into the middle of our dining room and started sewing on our kitchen table it was a pitiful mess. I was having anxiety over it. It was horrible and I just couldn't come up with the energy to clean it. I have terry cloth dust everywhere and 9 totes of fabric all over my dining room. But last night Trig went to bed at I did it. I spent 5 hours cleaning. I got the kitchen, living room and also the dining room spotless. I felt accomplished. Chad came home and was stunned. It is just I can always find more things to do after Trig goes to sleep. So I did it and it felt amazing.
I got up early this morning and started on the bathroom and completed that. I than called my mom and asked her if she could join us for lunch if we drove up to her and she said of course, that is the answer that is always associated with there is a little boy named Trig involved. So we drove up and went to lunch with her and dropped her back off at work and headed to Best Buy, since the move I can't find my camera charger so no pictures of Trig have been taken on a camera. Got that one checked off the list. So today was a running day so that means that the rest of the week is sewing during the day.
So all in all I am trying really hard to come to the understanding with myself and that I am now a homemaker and a mom that stays home. It will get better I just need to seek out other people that have the same interests as me and area also doing the same things as me and understand me. I think that as week get older things change and so do people and I have lost a lot of my friends as I just didn't want to deal with a lot of the drama that as associated with them. I have a family now and an amazing guy that would do anything for me, even when I am really upset with him he would do anything for me. I know that and I don't try to take things out on him and feel bad when I do but it is just me. I am a weird person that makes no sense so I will sign out now before I get a twisted tounge and make no sense at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment